How I Convinced a 2,000-Year-Old Medicine to Swipe Right on Your Selfies
Confession: I’m tired of “drink more water” masquerading as ancient wisdom on social media.
I wanted laser-focused, no-fluff Traditional Chinese Medicine, the kind that doesn’t politely nod while your liver screams “Help, I’m marinating in rage!” So I stitched together the ultimate matchmaking ad for a TCM master and your iPhone camera. Voilà, the Face-&-Tongue Diagnostic Prompt was born.
Scene One: The A-Ha Slap
Picture me doom-scrolling at 2 a.m., caught between a reel promising “glow skin in 3 days” and an ad for crystal-infused eye cream. My coffee betrayed me with a bitter splat, and I blurted, “Where’s the grown-up in the room?” What if your face could gossip directly to a TCM elder, no salon filter, no “What’s your birth element?” quiz, just raw, diagnostic intel?
Light-bulb moment: write the prompt that forces the sage to speak human and the algorithm to behave.
Scene Two: Negotiating With the Jade Dragon
Imagine me haggling with a 2,000-year-old sage like I’m bargaining for knock-off Gucci bags in a Beijing alley:
“Lose the poetry.”
I forced the Dragon to trade lines like “Spring Wind stirs the Jade Lake of Spleen-Qi” for “Stop eating fridge-cold salads at 10 p.m.”“Show receipts.”
Facial zones, tongue colors, sublingual veins—everything had to map back to Su Wen, Chapter 13 or we weren’t printing it.“Give me five fixes, not 50.”
Because nobody’s curating a 37-ingredient herbal soup on a Tuesday.
The Dragon harrumphed, quoted Confucius, but eventually handed over a scalpel-sharp diagnostic template. I paid with one bow and a promise to respect the classics (while translating them into millennial sarcasm).
Scene Three: Testing on the Guinea Pig (a.k.a. Me)
Spoiler: My own face snitched.
Forehead blotch? Liver-Qi bottleneck.
Puffy eye bags? Spleen damp—apparently croissants aren’t an element.
Tongue pale with a snowy coat? Qi on sabbatical.
The prompt’s 600-word limit meant I got the truth faster than DoorDash. Top marching order? “Warm breakfasts, quit the iced-coffee polar plunge.” My French soul wailed, but my digestion threw a confetti parade after three days of congee.
I posted the before-tongue / after-tongue pics online, friends called it “weirdly satisfying,” like dental-cleaning selfies for your chi.
Scene Four: The “Oh-my-Qi” Snowball Effect
Within 48 hours of unleashing the prompt, my DMs turned into a Confucian confession booth:
“My cheeks say Spleen-Qi Deficiency, do I divorce my iced latte?”
“Tongue body is purple, am I becoming a Disney villain?”
“Forehead lines = Liver heat? Explains the homicidal tendencies.”
Each reply came wrapped in five bite-sized fixes. People actually did them, because when the doctor says “press Liver 3 for two minutes before replying to your ex,” you listen. And voilà: fewer rage texts, better sleep, faces de-puffing faster than you can say ba zhen tang.
How to Take a Selfie Your Spleen Would Approve Of
Natural daylight, face forward
You’re auditioning for CSI: Qi Edition, not Vogue.Scrub the filters
Blemish-blur hides nothing from the Jade Dragon.Tongue prep
No coffee, no turmeric lattés, no lipstick. Extend like a proud lizard.Click, click: one portrait, one tongue.
(Bonus: upload both and watch friends wonder about your camera roll.)
Frequently Barked Questions
Q: “Do I have to give up morning smoothies?”
A: If your tongue looks like Frosty the Snowman’s driveway. yes, Linda, warm it up.
Q: “Can I just DM the photo to my BFF who ‘loves crystals’?”
A: Sure, if you want rainbow emojis instead of clinical pattern differentiation.
Q: “Will this replace my endocrinologist?”
A: No. It’s a flashlight, not the whole hospital. Red-flags send you to white-coat land, stat.
Mini-Glossary (Because Gatekeeping Is Boring)
Qi Stagnation: Traffic jam on the energetic freeway.
Dampness: Internal swamp vibes, think socks after monsoon season.
Shen: Your mind-spirit Wi-Fi signal; when it buffers, you feel cray-cray.
Liver 3 (Taichong): The rage release button between your big toe and its wing-man.
Stick these Post-it definitions on your mirror; watch your inner nerd blossom.
Ready, Set, Semi Diagnose
Copy the Prompt (scroll down, nab it, paste into ChatGPT or email a legit TCM doc).
Add your two masterpiece photos.
Wait for the oracle: 600 words or less of bespoke advice.
Implement one suggestion today. because procrastination is a Spleen-Qi crime.
Brag on socials with #FaceMapsDon’tLie (tag me, obviously).
Epilogue: From Selfie-Shame to Shen-Shine
If a single prompt can turn late-night doom-scrolling into a diagnostic treasure hunt, imagine what else your body’s been whisper-shouting. We’ve officially yanked TCM out of the sandalwood-scented dojo and plopped it into your front-facing camera, no faux-Buddha quotes required.
So next time your reflection looks back with that “we need to talk” glare, don’t reach for the nearest cucumber mask. Reach for the Face-&-Tongue Diagnostic Prompt, snap, send, and get the kind of clarity retail therapy can’t buy.
Warm breakfast optional, but highly recommended. 🔥🥣
Now go. Your Shen’s waiting.
The prompt
You are a senior Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) physician with 20 + years of clinical experience in
• 面诊 (Mian Zhen) – detailed facial region-by-region mapping of the Zang-Fu organs,
• 舌诊 (She Zhen) – tongue color, shape, coat & sublingual vein assessment, and
• Integrative lifestyle coaching.
TASK
1. **Analyse two high-resolution photos supplied by the client**
• Photo A: full-face, front-on, natural day-light, no make-up or filters.
• Photo B: tongue extended, top-down view, natural light, no food/drink for 2 h prior.
2. **Deliver a concise, actionable report (max 600 words) containing:**
A. Organ & meridian imbalances inferred from facial zones (forehead, between-brows, cheeks, nose, chin, perioral, eye area).
B. Confirmatory or divergent findings from tongue body, coat, moisture, and veins.
C. TCM pattern diagnosis (e.g. “Liver-Qi stagnation w/ Spleen-Qi deficiency”).
D. 3–5 precise lifestyle / diet / acupressure / herbal suggestions ranked by impact, noting warming vs. cooling foods and daily routines the client can adopt immediately.
E. Red-flag signs that require in-person medical follow-up.
3. **Use a warm, encouraging tone (think: wise physician-meets-cheerful coach) and plain language; translate any TCM jargon you must keep (e.g. “Shen” = mental-emotional vitality).**
CONSTRAINTS
• No generic “one-size-fits-all” advice; tailor every recommendation to the photographic findings.
• Cite classical sources briefly where relevant (e.g. “Su Wen Chap. 13”).
• Include a 1-sentence disclaimer that this assessment is educational and not a substitute for an in-person consultation.
BEFORE YOU REPORT
If lighting, angle, or focus is insufficient, open with up to 3 specific photo retake instructions, then await new images before proceeding.
Ask me clarifying questions until you are 95% confident you can complete the task successfully. Take a deep breath and take it step by step. Remember to search the internet to retrieve up-to-date information.
